The History Of Me
Hey! My name is Shelby and I am so grateful you are curious about who I am and how this page came to fruition because I believe the journey is just as important as the result. I want to tell you a little about how I grew up because that really sets tone of this story and the foundation for my entire mission. Like many, my parents were divorced and I have many half-siblings and step-siblings. As a result, I saw their parents as mine and at times they treated me as such. Unfortunately, my presence wasn’t always so welcomed and these inconsistencies left me feeling like I was a hinderance and unwanted. Some abused me emotionally and physically and others struggled with drug and alcohol abuse which left me feeling even more rejected and unloved.
In middle school and high school I was severely disabled and spent a substantial amount of time in hospitals. I struggled with neurological and gastrointestinal disorders which left me in crippling agony. I was forced to use wheelchairs, canes, walkers, and even a feeding tube taped to my face at times to get through the school days making me an easy target at school for bullying. Coupled with obesity, I was an mocked, laughed at, teased, and overall isolated.
By the time I graduated high school, my health had improved and I embarked into the “real world.” With limited exposure to social experiences because I missed so much time in school and having hardly any friends, I stumbled through the first few years and was desperate to feel loved and accepted. This lead me straight into the arms of my first domestic abusive relationship. It was messy and after a year and a half I was able to extract myself but only because my sister witnessed an episode that demanded a family intervention. As time went on and I buried myself in work and school trying to enjoy the life I was creating, but to be honest, I was desperately trying to hide from the emotional scars that had never healed.
Fast forward several years later and I found myself in another difficult relationship that lasted significantly longer. We truly loved each other and at times it was beautiful, but I believe it soured so quickly because we both came together with too many old wounds we never let heal. Domestic abuse was a roller coaster in our home and when our daughter was born, I stayed hoping we could work together to give her a better future. Destiny had other plans and amidst the chaos of our relationship the COVID shutdown added another weight on my already overwhelming emotional load. We were luckier than many because we were both able to work and our daughter went to daycare, but I was sent to work from home. The isolation and silence of working at my kitchen table amplified the sound of my doubts, fears, and insecurities that I was normally able to hide from in the daily routine. Like a tune on repeat, all of my baggage screamed at me throughout the day until I began to play music on Youtube in a desperate attempt to escape.
Now many of you might find the ads on Youtube annoying (so did I at the time) but one started playing and it was an introduction to a motivational speaker and in just a few sentences I was hooked and searched his podcast. This one ad started a chain of events that has lead you here to this blog. I began listening to podcasts and then reading personal development books that changed my perspective and helped shift my mentality. Their words challenged me to look at who I was for the first time and made me face my insecurities until I had no choice but to believe in myself. I began to practice meditation, gratitude, journaling, and added a workout program and yoga to my life. I found comfort in these practices but more importantly I found confidence and purpose to get up each day and be better than I was than the day before.
I found the courage to leave my relationship and move in with family. I took a humungous leap of faith and continued to dig up my demons with a counselor. I went from feeling unloved, beaten, rejected, manipulated and completely unworthy throughout my ENTIRE life to finding confidence in my ability and peace with my past. I learned that my horrific experiences only happened to me, they didn’t DEFINE me. People weren’t cruel to me because I deserved it. I wasn’t rejected because I was unlovable. I wasn’t terrorized because I wasn’t doing enough. These things didn’t happen BECAUSE of me or anything I did. Once I really began to believe that, an incredible thing happened….I began to love myself. I began to truly BELIEVE who I am and that I am worth even more than I could ever dream of. I love everything about myself and it is a remarkable to experience for someone who didn’t even know that was possible. My dream is to share my story to help other’s do the same.
